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About Digital Art / Student Member ZeeFemale/United States Groups :iconthe-redmoor-hunts: The-Redmoor-Hunts
 
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QUIT FAVORITING EVERYTHING IN MY GALLERY AT ONE TIME. I HATE favebombs, very few things piss me off more on DA.

Please don't ask what program(s) I use.


Progress

:bulletwhite: - Not started/Waiting on payment

:bulletblack: - Idea in mind

:bulletred: - Sketching

:bulletpurple: - Linearting

:bulletpink: - Coloring

:bulletorange: - Shading (if applicable)

:bulletgreen: - Backgrounding

:bulletblue: - Done

COMMISSIONS - CLOSED
PRICING: sevenzee.deviantart.com/journa…


:bulletpurple:A-Jax @ FA - SBG Commission w/SPS. [26$-HALF PAID]

:bulletwhite: SandfeatherWarrior - Sketch Commission [5$-NOT PAID]

TRADES - CLOSED

NONE

GROUP
:bulletblack::iconthe-redmoor-hunts: - DARE IMAGE


PERSONAL

:bulletblack:Hyena character reference/doodle

Random Favourites

Webcam

Groups

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First off, Update after my last journal:


THIS PART OF THE JOURNAL WILL BE IN SMALL PRINT, AS IT CONTAINS POSSIBLY TRIGGERING MATERIAL RELATED TO DEPRESSION, SUICIDE, AND SELF HARM

I'm alright. Doing a lot better in comparison, actually. That night was really just.. well, I got triggered into having a severe mental breakdown which has truly only happened to me I think two other times in my entire life, so needless to say I was in a really bad state of mind- suicidal, actually- and I was left alone without contact to anyone I was close to to confide in, because it was pretty late, and since I felt totally worthless/useless/pathetic/etc at the time.. I wasn't willing to actively reach out to anyone and possibly wake them up.. I didn't feel like I was worth it. So.. I ran to FB, DA, Tumblr, desperately reaching for anyone who may have been up at just the right time and offer me the slightest bit of comfort. The slightest bit that might help shove me away from that edge that I was so close to, but still..not yet willing to jump from, regardless of how broken I was. Thankfully, a few of you were up at the right time and responded. Thank you, even if I did not directly respond. Ill get into why in a moment.

Death scares me, it really does. Even in that crushed state of mind where I felt totally lost and worthless and destroyed, I didn't feel like I had a right to die. I had no right to put those I care about so dearly, through the trauma of a suicide. It hasn't even been a year since I dealt with a loved one nearly killing themselves. There was no fucking way I could do that. And I am horribly sorry if I actually scared anybody into thinking I would in that last journal, really I am. If you actually got scared for me, please tell me and I will personally apologize to you.
But.. in that state of mind I really wasn't thinking, clearly.. I was hopeless, alone, and terrified. I hurt myself that night. I won't lie. I tried so hard, and I've avoided a real** relapse for a long time, but that night it happened. And.. I'm sorry for those it may have affected I suppose. Nothing severe, nothing worth a doctor, hardly even anything worth mentioning.. but it included both wrists, so I feel inclined to mention it.

**By real relapse I mean breaking skin. There have been a couple points where I have used a dull edge and scraped myself, but never broke skin. It just hurt and reddened the area for a few days.

Onto why I never personally replied to those who commented.. to put it simply, I felt overwhelmed, almost. The first few of you who replied on time, I was still in too bad a state of mind to really bring myself to talk to anyone, I just wanted to listen to others give comforting words, but I couldn't bring myself to really.. ask for that. I have a bit of a 'pride' issue in a sense. I have little to nothing to be prideful OF, but it takes a LOT for me to allow someone to see me in pain. I get that from my dad actually.. If Im in the hospital, nobody except my parents can see me. I don't want anyone else there to see me in such a weakened state. I guess thats also why I wouldn't text anyone that night.. I can let people I hardly know see me in emotional agony, yet I cant bring the people closest to me to see. I really don't know why.. I cant bring myself to depend on others. I've said it a thousand times, if I ever get paralyzed or something, I want someone to kill me ASAP. I cant deal with that kinda thing.
For the others that replied after, even noted me with concern.. I didnt reply because for a few days after I was still really depressed and antisocial. exhausted even. And.. there were quite a few of you. I didn't have the mental energy to tell each of you personally how much I appreciated everything, and that I was okay, and thank you.. Even now, I don't think I could go back and respond to all of you personally and explain to you just how much all of your kind words meant. They meant a huge deal..

But let's wrap this up.. Thank you. All of you who were there, all of you who cared enough to write something.. Thank you. I'm on medication now that so far seems to be helping a great deal. I still suffer at times but I'm much better off than I was that night..
If any of you are interested in getting more personal info and talking to me about just why I was so upset that night, feel free to note me, and Ill get to you as soon as I can which.. probably won't be long ahah I've got nothin' to do! But please, only do so if you're actually caring and want to talk to me, don't just ask me 'yo why were you sad' just cause you;re curious. It's a pretty personal and kind of long story, and I dont want to type it to someone just to satisfy their curiosity.





MOVING ON: Art programs? Brushes? Etc?



Lately I've kinda been in a rut as far as art goes. At least.. digital art. I'm always sitting in the same spot, same art program, same method of sketching, same brushes, same EVERYTHING. It's boring! I can draw fine in school on paper, but I really hate doing traditional art usually, I prefer the crisper cleaner method of digital. But lately everything seem so.. usual and boring. I SHOULD be getting a Cintiq Hybrid for christmas which should help greatly in changing it up a bit, but until then I'm kinda stuck!

So.. do any of you guys have any links to some kind of brushes you use? For Photoshop OR Sai
Or some free [or free-trial] art program you use? Please though, it needs to have pen pressure ^^;

Thanks guys <3
  • Mood: Tired

deviantID

SevenZee
Zee
Artist | Student | Digital Art
United States
FUN FACTS

-When you leave one word comments on any of my art, it makes me want to secretly rip your hands off and shove them through your eye sockets ;D

-I'm young, but old enough to legally be on DA

-I am tomboy [incase you didnt guess lol] I literally only wear guy shit.. hoodies, tshirts, sweat pants. Never anything girly, doesnt matter for what reason.

-I'm a cat person, and almost always draw cats, yet part of my really enjoys drawing dogs though I hate one of the dogs we have in real life.

-Favorites on my art mean little to nothing, and just spam my inbox. Comments are what I love~ 'Cept one word comments. Refer back to first FF.

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Comments


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:iconthewolfdragon21:
theWolfdragon21 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
hi ^^
Reply
:iconderpdawg:
derpdawg Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014
You have such a lovely art style ;u;
Reply
:iconmeegsnoodles:
Meegsnoodles Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014
-sick sobbing- 
Reply
:iconjasminehopkins:
JasmineHopkins Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You get blocked too? LOL
Reply
:iconsevenzee:
SevenZee Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Yup :'D
Reply
:iconjasminehopkins:
JasmineHopkins Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm not surprised. They need to do some growing up.
Reply
:iconza-akranoia:
Za-Akranoia Featured By Owner May 31, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch!!
:heart:
Reply
:iconinfernolynx:
INfernoLynx Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
*cough*I shouldn't be here

Dont think any one is aware of this girl, you should check it out...
www.freewebs.com/theworldofwar…
Reply
:iconsevenzee:
SevenZee Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Well, I sent you that apology note. You're welcome to be here.

Thank you though
Reply
:iconexo-13:
Exo-13 Featured By Owner May 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Whats your tumblr?
Reply
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